Moto GP!

Today I indulged in my manly side. I headed off to the Moto GP races with my husband, dad and brother. Grunt. Gideon hung back with grandma. Did I mention how wonderful she is? Moving on. We headed out around 10:30 for a day at the speedway. Honestly, while I was looking forward to a day sans kid, I wasn't quite looking forward to spending the day listening to the dull roar of a bunch of motorcycles and watching them race around a circle a million times. Bo-ring! Or so I thought. We got there and seated in time for the smallest bikes to begin. They sort of whine. It was fun to watch. Then I learned they were going roughly 160 MPH. Wow. And they were all of about 16 or so years old. Double wow. We saw a few crashes and close calls. Ok, kinda fun. By the time the big boys were racing, I was hooked! It was so fun! The best part was being seated to me in about 10 years. This family was there, mom, dad and 11 year old boy. He knew the racers names, their countries of origin, and everything about them. His excitement was contagious. And then I saw mom really getting into it. Clapping, yelling, knowing what was going on. Good for her. I started wondering if she was truly interested, or became interested when her boy decided it was neat. Either way, I was impressed! I began to envision Gideon and I doing neat things together. You know, when he becomes a kid? I imagine there is a world of things I'll become interested in as he grows up. Trains, race cars, football. Wow. And to be honest, I can't wait. I am so looking forward to that time in our lives where we have something we can share together. You know, something that isn't strained peas, which is what we currently share! What a day! Good times. We headed home just in time to meet Grandma on the road with our little guy out for a walk. I hopped out and walked back with them. She filled me in on the day's events for our boy. Naps, blocks, and hugs. And I filled her in on ours. Crashes, speed and crowds. It was one of those easily great days. One where you don't have to try too hard to have a good time. And it was just great! Roar! Grunt! I think I'm beginning to like this manly stuff!

Emma Mae

Yesterday we headed to Carly's mom's house in celebration of a very special event. Emma's first birthday. Wow. Where has the year gone? Seems like yesterday I was waddling over to Carly's to meet Miss Emma for the first time. At 8 pounds, 5 ounces, I thought she was tiny. Boy was I in for a rude awakening! HA! Since conception, Emma's been my measure baby. I'd bounce questions off of Carly who was 2.5 months further along in pregnancy than I was. It was so helpful to know I wasn't going through it alone. And then when Emma was born, she became the milestone baby. I'd ask Carly what she was up to at various times and ask her if what Gideon was doing was normal. Thank goodness for Emma! She, and her mom, saved me a lot of heartache and worry! But what I find most special about Emma is watching her grow, just like Gideon. Watching her little personality start to emerge as she takes on the world. Listening to her jibber jabber is precious, and she's so sweet with everything she does. She is so much all girl compared to my boy. So yesterday, we piled the car with pink packaging and headed to Ginger's to celebrate. I hadn't been to Carly's mom's house since high school probably. And I'm sure we were up to no good the last time I was there! It was fun walking down memory lane in Ginger's big ol' house. Except now it is replaced with photographs of grandchildren where other family photos used to rest. And Ginger herself is still as sweet and wonderful as ever. With a grandmother like that, and mother like Carly, little Emma stands to be one heck of a woman. It was so awesome watching her do so much now. She's walking, fast. And talking up a storm. And she's so darn cute! I love watching her interact with her family. She loves her big brother and sister so much. But man, watching her with them- seems they were that size yesterday. Time doesn't fly, it warp speeds. We purchased several baby appropriate gifts for little Emma, and a special one. A locket. I put both babies pictures in it, silly as it is. I wanted Emma to have something special from her first birthday. I hope one day when she's a bit older, she'll wear the locket and know that there are wonderful friends who think she's quite a special person. And who love her dearly. Some folks joked that she'd wear it at their wedding, hers and Gideon's. We all laughed. Truth is, I never expected to have babies with my best friend, so maybe it could happen? Who knows. I only hope it serves as a reminder to her that all of her hopes and dreams can come true if she works hard, prays harder and has faith. She is a remarkable little girl already, and I can't wait to see where life's journeys take her. I am blessed with a wonderful friend in Carly, and hope Emma finds the same.

Little Lora

I've tried several times to write this blog. But my thoughts become jumbled and they never quite flow right. Hopefully I'll get it this time. Several weeks ago, Gideon, Noah and I had dinner with our most favorite NICU nurse, Little Lora. We met at a Mexican joint near the hospital before her shift. She filled us in on the goings on at ol' Community North, and how some of our other nurse friends were doing. We in turn, showed off the little guy, and filled her in on the chewing, drooling, jabbering, climbing milestones we've been hitting lately. It was a nice visit. After she left, it got me thinking back on our days in the NICU. We saw Lora nearly daily. She was a breath of fresh air in a very lonely place. She is just a wonderful nurse, and I wonder sometimes does she know how special she is to us? I am sure Community is filled with many great nurses, we had a bevy of them ourselves, but Lora was just something else. She was above and beyond, and for that she will always be a good memory from our days there. She told me once that her mom was a nurse. I wasn't surprised. Many lessons she learned didn't come from nursing school. Lora is a wonderful nurse, but what makes her truly special isn't the procedures she can perform, it is the care she shows to her patients and their parents. She always knew just what we needed. She was quick with a joke to lighten the mood. On days when I needed a friend, she was there. Other days when I was angry at the world, Community North, and everyone in it, she silently did her job, making her presence as little known as possible. She caught me crying a handful of times, but never made mention if it. She knew boundaries well, and just knew exactly what we needed her to be at all times. And the care she showed Gideon will forever be with me. Knowing she, and the other nurses, cared so much for our boy, was just humbling. He was not merely a patient in room 6123A, he was Gideon. He was our baby. And he was special. The days after his birth are filled with memories for me. Some good, some bad. Lora is forever in those memories, and she has helped create many of the good ones. It is my hope that she knows what she means to us, and all of her patients in the NICU. The world is a more blessed place with her in it. And I thank God she was there when we needed her.

Channeling my inner Mrs. Leslie

Staying home is hard. Not in the sense that one would think. But in the sense that one can only vacuum one's home so many times without going a little nuts. I tend to err on the side of nuts. Its in my genes. Anyway, I had this wonderful idea the other today to make myself a sling. As everyone who will listen knows, I love my sling. A lot. But it is in a crazy pink pattern and Noah has mentioned on occasion he's afraid Gideon might turn a little sissy being carried around in all that pink. While I disagree with that, I did think that an array of stunning slings is just what I needed! At about $40 a pop, that was just not possible. Enter the project idea- get a sewing machine and make my own! As if I don't have enough to do. But, in my defense, Noah works late a lot and having something to occupy my time once the little one is in bed is appealing. So started the craigslist hunt for a sewing machine. It failed. Thankfully my wonderful mother-in-law also stays home and decided a few years back she needed to get crafty too. She purchased a top o' the line model and let it sit in the box waiting to make all my creative dreams come true. No judgment, I have been known to start projects that never get finished too. I refer to the pie phase, the knitting phase and the painting phase. Yup. No judgment. Moving on. Tonight after the little man was in bed, I had Noah help me get this sucker out and ready to roll, er, sew. That's right, my big, burly husband how to show me how to thread the machine and wind the bobbin. Crushing blow to my domestic goddess side. As he began to instruct me on how to do it (thread in notch 1, around to 2, and so on) I started having flash backs to 7th grade home ecc. I passed with a C. Barely. Mostly due to Mrs. Leslie's belief that every young lady should possess some sort of domestic talent. Somewhere inside, no matter how deep. She never stopped believing mine was just hiding in there. Bless her! So after we got the machine up and running, thoughts of numerous slings filled my mind! Why, I could make bibs too! And curtains for Gideon's room. Maybe a throw pillow or two. As I filled Noah in on all sorts of wonderful projects looming in front of me, I saw him grin. I know that grin. It's the grin he makes when he knows what's really going to happen. He is my biggest supporter and champion. He will gladly listen to me rant and rave about whatever my newest endeavor is, and cheer me on. He is great like that. Maybe there is a sling in my future, maybe not. But tonight, I will dream of homemade goods Mrs. Leslie would be proud to grant an A to. And tomorrow? Well, we'll see. ;-)

What ifs

I received an email the other day from a guy I used to work with. We keep in touch occasionally, so its always good to hear from him. I like hearing about what's going on at the ol' Carl Walker, Inc., where I spent nearly 3 years of my life. Seems as though things are pretty much the same. Ray is... Ray. The guys are super busy. Life goes on. Andy mentioned that Ray'd probably hire me back if I wanted to come back. I'm sure he was mostly joking, but it definitely got the gears turning. When I said goodbye to work Sarah almost one year ago, I pretty much put her away for good. At least for a good 4 or 5 years until Gideon is in school. But the what ifs got me thinking. I loved working, really I did. I enjoyed most every aspect of my job, and did it well. I vividly remember dressing daily for something, each day outfitted in a sassy skirt and top. Matching shoes and purse. The works. I felt good. I felt important. I remember walking in my heels across the marble floor of our office building each morning, coffee in hand, and hearing the click clack of my shoes on the floor. Each click spoke volumes as to me as a person. "I am a working woman. I have a carefree, kid free life. I have disposable income and dinner plans." And each day I'd click clack to the fourth floor and start my day. Until one day the click clacks started echoing something different. Replaced where hollow sounds of "my life is wonderful, why am I not so happy. My husband is great, our life is great, but something is missing." Then along came Gideon. Who knew a 19 pound spitting, crying, climbing, chewing, monster was what was missing? And then giving up the heels, the carefree plans, the long bubble baths whenever I wanted, didn't seem so bad. Most days now I wear flip flops through the house. Each thwarp of my sandal now echos a very different life. "20 minutes until naptime is over, get moving on the chores! No! No! No! said a thousand times. And various kid show theme songs sung over and over in my head, with each step I take. Things are so much different now. At this point in my life I never expected to be a mother. After a few years of trying, I'd pretty much given up. And then along came Gideon and changed everything. I now measure everything by what time naps start and stop. I gauge going out to dinner on many factors now- finances, mood of my kiddo, general loudness of the restaurant we're about to invade. Everything in my life now is carefully planned. It is so much different than it once was. And I wouldn't change it for anything. The highlight of my day is seeing Gideon's smiling face when he wakes up in the morning. There are days that my hair stays in a pony tail and I don't even get coffee. There are days when my outfit is spit up on numerous times, and even times I don't change it. But then there are days when I can tell something has clicked with Gideon and he gets it- learns something new or masters a skill. Those days I feel like I'm on top of the world. Nope. Wouldn't go back to the heels if they doubled my salary. It was a nice week, thinking about what might have been. But there are just too many things I'd miss here to go back. No amount of money or prestige is worth that. When Gideon takes his first steps soon, I want to be there. And when he discovers ice cream, I want to share it with him. One day I know when he laces up his tennies and climbs on that big, yellow bus, I'll know it's time to dust off the heels and head off to click clack. Until then, I'll just thwarp around in my flip flops following an almost toddler around the world as he discovers all it has to offer.

Dedication

This past Sunday marked a special day in Gideon's life, and the lives of Noah and I. We had him dedicated to the Lord at our church. A dedication is not a baptism, as several folks have asked. It's merely a declaration in front of God, our family and our church family that we are going to raise our child in a Christian home. To me, it was basically a public "thank you" to God for giving me this precious gift. And a reminder that we are in charge of his upbringing, both physical and spiritual. Wow. Heavy stuff. Just when I think I've got this mom thing licked, something else is thrown my way. Not only am I responsible for his daily care, I now have to consider what happens after he's out of diapers and in the real world. I have to really work on raising a God-fearing, Jesus-loving boy who can stand up for himself and his beliefs. Did I mention wow? Thankfully I won't be doing it alone. Noah will be there, helping and chastising right along with me, along with Gideon's family, and his church family. This brings me great comfort. It's also nice to know that ultimately I'm not in charge and that's up to the Big Guy. All I need to do is focus on Him, pray daily for guidance (and believe me, I do!) and show Gideon how to lead a spirit-filled life by example. Whew. Enough rambling... Sunday came and the service was beautiful. Most of our family was there and came up with us to dedicate our boy, who was busy playing with a straw at the time. We prayed over him and asked God for his protection and guidance in our boy's life. We received a bible and well wishes. Good times were had by all. After church we headed to lunch with the entire family to celebrate the dedication and Noah's *ahem* 31st birthday. And everyone even mostly behaved! A true miracle! HA! It was another perfect day with our perfect boy. God has been so gracious in giving us our miracle, and we thank Him greatly. I am so glad that he has been there from the time we were first considering a baby, through the dark days of not being able to conceive one, and then the scary time we spent in the NICU praying our boy would be ok. And today, he's with us still, as I have had to use a few "no no's" on Gideon when he was actively getting into mischief, and then scooping him up into hugs to make him giggle. Yes, I believe it was all part of God's wonderful, perfect plan. And I praise Him for it!

Gideon & the goat

Today, Gideon and I and Carly and Emma went to the fair. Free day, so we decided to take the babies and see what's what. So much fun! I love the fair, Noah does not. So, my opportunities of going are limited, shall we say. But, Carly was game so off we went. We wandered around animal barns, food stands and the expo hall. By the way, nothing makes me feel like more of a failure than the ladies crafts in the expo hall. Quilts, dresses, and canned goods. Wow. I'm lucky if I can get to the grocery on a weekly basis. Moving on. Gideon and Emma had a blast! We returned to the car with dirty, sweaty babies so sleepy but with smiles on their faces. The goats were the highlight of our day, as seen here in the video. I think I'm going to try to talk Noah into getting one for the back yard. They're so cute! Wonder if he'll go for it? Humm....

Say cheese!

So yesterday was Gideon's 11 month milestone. I didn't blog. I was too busy chasing an 11 month old around the house. Ironic, isn't it. So my boy is now looming incredibly close to the big 12 months. I can't believe it. In some ways, this 11 months has gone so slowly as Noah and I were adjusting to this new person living with us. In others, it's just flown by. By now Gideon can do so many wonderful things. He's sitting, crawling and standing up all on his own. Well, a little help from the couch or coffee table on the standing. He's got 3 and a half teeth and a wonderful smile. He's saying "mama", "dada", "ga ga", "emma" and "hi" now. The latter we early only occasionally. He's also saying "vroom vroom" after a recent trip on Gramma Sandy's mule. So cute! He's beginning to play with toys, really play with them, and you can just watch his brain working all the time. Watching, absorbing, considering. He is amazing in every way. Today, mom and I took him to the park to meet this photographer for his 11 month photos. I found her on craigslist, and as only craigslist can bring, she was a nut case. Still, the photos came out pretty well. And the best part was they were free. She's trying to build her portfolio so she chose Gideon out of numerous babies to get a free photo session. Yea, that's my proud momma brag coming out! Anyway, enjoy. Gideon and I will just be hanging out, learning new stuff and rocking it towards 1!

We rockstar'd the place

Milestones seem to be Gideon's newest "thing". Seems everyday he's into something new. New sounds, new moves, new curiosities. Everyday brings my boy closer to manhood. Yesterday was no exception. Yesterday brought Gideon a new babysitter. Gramma Sandy headed down to sit with our boy while Noah and I and the Winters took in a lazy Sunday afternoon baseball game sans kids. Talk about nice! Sure, there were crying babies around us, but they weren't ours! Even though Carly and I did exchange tips on parenting while out. Sigh. Just can't escape motherhood, no matter how hard you try. But, while mom and dad were away, the kid and Gramma were at play! I don't quite know what went down while we were gone, but when we came back, we were met with a toy-strewn house and 2 happy faces. What a time they had romping from room to room. I can only imagine how much fun Gideon had showing Gramma all his latest findings. I hear he had quite the time crawling around and watching her follow him. Great mental image! How blessed we are to have not one, not two, but three grandmas who love our boy so much! And yesterday pretty much sealed the deal for Gramma too, as if she needed more fuel to add to her fire for Gideon. I know she loves our boy so very much. As he grows and changes, I am so excited to see these grown people who Noah and I love so much, loving our child right along with us. I know there are many more afternoons and evenings waiting for Gideon and his Gramma without us around that will just be filled with dirt, fun and memories. I am so excited for my boy!

The pony's been ordered

Today was the day my sweet mother has been waiting for. Waiting 2-*ahem*9 years for. She has been dubbed "ga ga". Yes, Gideon in all his wonder, made her the proudest Grandmother in the universe this afternoon when he uttered the words she's been longing to hear. What a hoot! She's been working with him for weeks, bless her heart, saying "grandma, grandma, grandma" over and over. He'd just give her a cockeyed grin and go about his business of saying "mama" or "dada" or his newest favorite, "vroom vroom". Not a "g" in sight. Until today. As she was leaving, he looked at her and said, in total clarity, "ga ga". You should have seen her face! I will remember that face for all my life. Utter awe. Complete and perfect love. I guess with grandkids, you get a second chance living out your own early mothering days. You own children's babyhood. I know she loves Gideon with a fire and passion that rivals mine, but to see her get her wish, a moniker, was just priceless. Tonight I know she's still beaming. And tomorrow, it will be the first story she tells to her friends at work, around her desk thats strewn with various pictures of her boy from birth to now. What a sweet, sweet day it was for our Ga Ga!

Spoiled

Today we cleaned the house together. I love Mondays for this reason. I pulled out the trusty sling and off we went. I handed you a clean dust cloth while I used the dirty one. We talked about life, people in the pictures we were dusting, and assassinating dust bunnies with the vacuum. The latter had you giggling up a storm when I would make the silly sounds to show you how the bunnies would meet their demise. You are amazing! We went from room to room, you and I. Creating clean, discussing dinner plans, joking around. I love these times with you. Just you and me. I can't help but wonder how much longer you'll find mom's jokes funny, or want to spend the day cleaning with me. Around 11 o'clock, with the house close to being done, I put you in your crib. Schedules, you know. You start to fuss, which is unusual for this nap. I give you 5 minutes. Still fussing. I decide to sling you once again and tackle those bunnies with the vacuum. In my mind I know if I give you another few minutes you'll quiet down. In my heart there is a race against time and honestly, I'm just not ready to put you down yet. Selfish, I know. So we vacuum, you holding the cord and singing your "vacuum and mower" song you always sing when we're doing something loud. I take a few minutes here and there to touch your sweet head or pat your little bottom. I relish in this time. I feel like I am playing a game of "beat the clock" with your childhood. I need to cram as much baby as I can into the next few months. You'll be 1 soon. A toddler. A real, live toddler. I cannot fathom it. I know that the future holds many more cuddles, giggles and smiles for mom, but I also know that unless God has a wicked sense of humor, you are going to be our only baby. I'm ok with that, it was part my idea. We reached perfection, why try again? ;) But, I also know that the days of holding a tiny newborn of my very own are gone, and so are the days of the sweet, chubby 6 month old who still stays in one place when you put him down. This 10 month, almost 11 month baby boy that I have now is wonderful. You explore things, you're starting to play games and you love to snuggle at night. But you'll soon be replaced by a toddler with his own mind. And one day that toddler will be replaced with a child who doesn't necessarily want to spend the day cleaning with his momma. So today, I grabbed you. Held on tight and didn't let go. I relished in your babyness a little while longer. I broke the schedule. All because you wanted momma. Yes Gideon, momma is very spoiled.

This time a year ago...

This time a year ago, I was miserable. It wasn't due to pregnancy, although that wasn't a picnic either. It was because this time a year ago we mourned the loss of a wonderful member of our O'Reilly clan. Tim O'Reilly. Gideon's great uncle. Noah's uncle that was great. Gramma Sandy's beloved husband. He was a wonderful man and I am so blessed to have known him for the brief time I did. Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of when Tim went to be with the Lord. We celebrated in Plevna (the center of the universe) with our family, close friends and the ABATE instructors Tim was so close with. What a group! From bikers dressed in leathers to Mennonite women in homespun dresses and caps, a hodge podge group of people all gathered together in honor of one wonderful man. It was quite a sight! As we gathered at the cemetary to create a circle and pray, I fully embraced how precious life is. Our nephews giggling in the background, and getting a repremand from their father. The buzz of a plan in the distance. A lawn mower. Gideon cooing at Noah's feet. It was a perfect day. The sun was shining, our prayers were lifted to heaven, everyone was gathered. It was just beautiful. I think Tim would have been humbled to know he'd touched so many lives. What was wonderful about this wonderful man was that he didn't know he was all that great. We all did though. He was just an honest guy who loved his wife and family. Cared for his friends and neighbors and would always lend a helping hand. In living his life, he touched so many people. What a blessing he was to everyone around him.

I can remember so clearly last March, the weekend before we found out we were expecting Gideon, we went to Plevna and Noah and Tim worked all day (and night! An O'Reilly man never stops working till the work is done!) on soap molds for my creative outlet. They discussed, planned, tried, errored and finally came up with a wonderful mold. I was so touched that weekend that Tim took the time to help Noah with my silly endevor. I knew my husband loved me that much, but to know that Tim did really made me feel special. I think he had that effect on a lot of people. I will never forget that weekend. I keep it filed in my memory bank for future reflection. I have taken it out several times already. Today I added a few more Tim stories to my memory bank.

We also spent the day with Tim's lovely wife Sandy. Gideon's honorary Gramma. She enjoyed spending the day with a blonde haired, blue eyed young man while receiving many hugs and well wishes. Gideon loves his Gramma! I think she's rather fond of him too. Babies are amazing creatures. They have a wonderful ability to heal. I like to think he helped in that a little bit. I am so thankful Sandy is in Gideon's life. She is an amazing person. She is everything her husband was, and has carried on his legacy so beautifully. I know that God and his infinite wisdom knew she'd rise from the ashes even without her Tim. She hurts, but she serves her Father and gives him the glory. I am so thankful Gideon will have her in his life as he grows. I know she keeps the best Tim stories, and will dole them out any time he wants one. Like a fairy tail, he'll be the knight in shining armor in all her stories. And I know with her help, we will grow a wonderful little boy into a fine O'Reilly man.

As I sit here quietly in my bedroom while Noah feeds Gideon his last bottle of the night, I feel so very blessed to have been a part of today and celebrate such a wonderful soul. I know heaven is that much better (and funnier!) with Tim there to liven up the place. And I look so forward to one day seeing him again with our Heavenly Father. Until then, I know Sandy, and our entire family, will continue to just live life, love each other, help our neighbors and friends and do what's right. Just like Tim.