5:30 am Ramblings

It is 5:30 am. The house is quiet. I sneak from my bed to yours to nurse you. Have to keep on schedule, you know, even if you aren't awake. I hear your tiny squeaks, you are starting to rouse and get hungry. I pick you up and you completely conform to my body, you are so snuggly. We sit down. I can't help but gaze as your profile as you nurse. You are perfect! Your hands start to relax and your face is bathed in the light of your tiny bear nightlight. There is no sound. Only that of your rhythmic breathing and occasional sighs. In this moment, I have so much love for you, it hurts. I think about all your possibilities, what you will do with your life. I pray to God that I am making right decisions about your life so far. I know some of them are wrong, but I pray that the mistakes I make aren't about the important things. I pray a thankful prayer that God has given Noah and I this wonderful boy who makes our hearts so light and happy. I want to keep you like this for a while longer. Your body still able to fit wholly on my lap, although you're starting to take up more room, your feet are slipping off. I want to keep your babyness there just a little longer. I reach down to stroke your hair. The duck fuzz that is so soft. You smell wonderful! Like sleep. I take a mental picture of you in hopes to file it away for when you're 16 and hating the world and your mother. You finish with a contented sigh and I pick you up to burp you. Your body falls like dead weight and you put your head on my shoulder. This is my favorite moment of the day. You are getting bigger and want to explore your world more and don't have much time for laying your head on Momma's shoulder anymore. I cherish it. I contemplate holding you like this all day, but realize I can't. I slowly walk you to your crib and whisper "I love you, good night" and lay you down. You wiggle to find the sweet spot in the bed and I stifle a giggle. You wiggle just like me! I lean down for one more kiss and hear you squeak one last time. I cover you up and slowly head out of the room. You are asleep before the door shuts. I head in to make the coffee. Just another day in paradise...