Time flies

It is late for a Sunday. 8 pm and dinner still isn't done. Gideon's napping peacefully, finally, after a long day of fun. We started the day off at church with the Winters for Emma's dedication. It was a beautiful service in which we promised to honor God and help Emma along the way find her Savior. We vowed to be there for her and pray for her along her journey. What really struck me was that Carly and I were in the church of her old youth minister. We had come full circle. I remember going to church with Carly soon after she and I became friends. I remember seeing glimpses of Jesus through her youth pastor, Toby, and learning so much. While it was Noah who ultimately brought me to Christ, Carly and her youth minister definitely introduced me to Him. What I found so profound was that we were sitting there now as women with children of our own to worry about, where once sat 2 young girls. Amazing. God is good. He brought Carly and I together and has allowed us a friendship that is most precious. I couldn't help but reflect back to those 2 carefree girls who'd sat through Toby's class once before and wonder if Gideon and Emma might share a special relationship like their mothers.

And then this evening Noah, Gideon and I made a special trip back to where we first started out. The NICU at Community North. We brought cookies and joked along the way. Joking to cover the nervous feelings I had at going back. How would it feel to see it all again? To see our wonderful nurses again. While we had some of the finest ladies caring for Gideon, I knew it might be hard to see them again. It's been 7 wonderful months since Gideon's release from the NICU, yet those first feelings of terror and dread still bubble up at times. I knew it would not be an easy visit. I prayed that God would give me strength to go back once again to show off his wonderful works. I prayed I'd be able to push the nervousness back just for a bit, to make it through the visit. As the elevator doors opened to floor 6, it all came rushing back. The smell, the look of the lobby, everything. But, by God's grace, it was ok. As the big double doors opened mechanically, revealing the inner workings of the NICU, I made my way back to the nurses station with fresh cookies in hand. As I passed all of the rooms lined up, a trip I'd taken hundreds of times, I took a quick second to peek in at the residents. So small! Such a distant memory it is of Gideon being that tiny. I listened to the whir of machines, saw the monitors blinking away, the far off distance of the horizon out the 6th story window. How I remembered sitting and looking out that window so many times, imagining being anywhere but there with my baby. It is so easy now to take for granted just picking him up and going. How far we've come. After locating the nurses station and announcing my presence, I made my way back out of the NICU world and into the lobby to wait. Somehow this time it felt so different. I was an intruder. A visitor. Not a resident. No longer was I one of them. As scared as I was to go back, it was totally different this time. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief and waited with my two boys for our nurses to come out and say hello. I happily shared Gideon's current stats (17 pounds, first tooth came today, rolling over like a champ!) and listened as they praised my boy for being so wonderful. It felt good. Heck, it felt great! Now once again at home, back in my now normal world, where diapers and dishes are king, I feel so smug to have been able to weather the storm and live to tell about it. What a truly wonderful day today was.